I have been in a bit of a slump lately.
I have been searching to find myself, trying to find something that DEFINES me. I was reading some old journals.. you know the kind you never want anyone to read.. because they are full of whining and complaining. These will definitely not be ones that will be passed down to my children. I noticed that there is the same pattern, I make promises to myself that I am going to be better.
Be a better wife
Be a better mother
Keep the house cleaner
Accomplish something (who knows what)
Be more patient and kind
Read and Study the scriptures
Serve others more often
Eat Healthier
Exercise
Tone my upper arms
Put money in savings
Pay my bills on time
Update my blog before something happens and you lose ALL of my pictures
Backup my Mac before I lose ALL of my pictures
(it so happens that I lost about 8000 pictures)
Man alive! The list can go on and on and on. It is actually quite embarrassing to take note that over the last 15 years my journals say the same thing yet I still feel like I am in the same place I was 15 years ago.. with the exception of a couple grey hairs.
I blame it on perfection. I wear myself out, I can't imagine how my family feels. Running around in circles and not accomplishing anything is getting pretty old. A few months ago I ran across this from emilyley.com:
As I look around my house tonight and look at the complete and utter mess it is in I feel so blessed. I have this AMAZING husband who works so hard for me and the kids. He works 60+ hours per week, goes to school full time, fulfills his church calling, and makes time for each of us.. with a smile on his face. I have 4 WONDERFUL kids who get compliments all of the time on how well behaved they are. They are so much fun to be around and they are so great with each other. Dustin works for an amazing company who takes such good care of us. We just got to spend two weeks with family, going to places that we never thought we would be able to go to. I have some really REALLY good friends that understand me and love me despite my faults. I have a Heavenly Father who truly loves me and is my biggest supporter, if I would just let him in I can accomplish anything.
And I worry about how clean my house is.. seriously mental.
I NEED A BIG CUP OF GRACE!
Focusing on one thing at a time and not worrying about what is going on around me. Making things happen, following through, and cutting myself some slack.
Remembering what is important: giving my husband my UNDIVIDED attention, playing with the kids (they are growing up way too fast).
Living in the moment and realizing that time is no longer going to wait for me.
I think that this post could be a lesson to all of us. We all want to achieve perfection, but there has only even been one person who was perfect. We aren't here to be perfect, but to be the very best that we can be. However, when we fail at that, and we all do, we just have to say a prayer for strength and try again. the next day. I'm sure you are doing a great job. Just don't be too hard on yourself. If you are raising great kids, that is the most important thing.
ReplyDeleteLove it! Thanks for sharing!!
ReplyDeletewhat a great motto! love ya cristy!
ReplyDeletewow Christy, this was really well put and well written. I think all women who keep journals will notice a trend like this. Thanks for posting your thoughts.
ReplyDeleteBy the way did you guys see the BYU game?